GET OFF MY PHONE! Part 2: Electric Guitar Boogaloo

Got that ten handy, Phage? It's not techno, but it's pretty good.

Hat tip to Craig for pointing it out.

GET OFF MY PHONE!

I will pay someone $10 (Hey I don't have much) to take his psychotic breakdown at the end and turn it into a techno song.

And yes. I am serious. You do it, I'll paypal you $10.

You have to be fucking kidding.

... I pride myself on my ability to remain calm in the face of right wing insanity, but this? This manages to send me into a blind rage each and every time.

Things like this? Are only supposed to be exaggerations in movies, or Onion articles. You know? Satire.

But there it is. Large as life, and twice as real. At least Canada forced them to apologize. Even if it was just a shitty FauxNoise non-apology apology.

In Lou Dobbs' World, No Irish Need Apply

From Huffington Post: Lou Dobbs Complains About 'Ethnic Holidays' Like St. Patrick's Day

Lou Dobbs has a lot of time to fill on his radio show, and no one much wants to talk about NAFTA Highways or the coming Invasion of the Mexican Lepers anymore, so this presents difficulties. Luckily, yesterday was Saint Patrick's Day -- or, as it is also known, "Amateur Night (Observed)" -- the one day a year where we celebrate Irish stuff. Anyway, Dobbs is against "ethnic holidays," but that's not all -- he is evidently powerfully confused by them.

"And by the way, I've got to wish to you, each and every one, Happy Saint Patrick's Day! I do that, and I have to be honest with you, despite my fervent anti-ethnic holiday position. That's right! I'm against St. Patrick's Day. I'm against St. Columbus Day. Saint Joseph's Day. I'm against all of those things.I mean, what is with all of these ethnic holidays? I mean how about an American Day? How about were all the same kind of day?"

Uh, Lou? I know you're really old, and really racist, and really, really xenophobic, but this isn't the late 19th Century. We don't do the whole "HUR HUR DEM WACKY IRISH" thing as a people anymore, since the Irish-American community is a vital part of our country, and, oh yeah, it's also INCREDIBLY FUCKING OFFENSIVE.

Personally, I'm not really surprised by this or anything, since it's Lou Dobbs, the guy who's spent his past couple years telling us that the Mexican Leper Rapist Gangs are waiting at our borders just waiting for us to build a six-mile-high fence so they can tunnel under it.

Oh, and Lou? We have a shitload of "non-ethnic" holidays. You know, unless you consider all those government-mandated holidays like Thanksgiving and Independence Day "ethnic".

Please, PLEASE, Tell Me This Letter Is a Joke, PLEASE

From The Journal Gazette: Web-only letter: Impeach Obama and others because of poor economy

It is time to ask Congress to request that President Obama, Vice President Biden, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Leader Harry Reid to resign. If they don’t, then it is time for impeachment of all four.

President Obama campaigned on change, and we sure are getting it. He signs the stimulus package without even giving anyone in Congress time to read what was in it. He made the statement that there was no “pork” in it. Frankly, 90 percent of it is pork.

On Oct. 10, 2007, the Dow Jones hit a high, closed at 14,164.53. Who was president then? On Nov. 20, 2008, the Dow was 7,552.53. Who was elected president just before that?

And they say it isn’t done yet. Who was the president who just signed the stimulus package?

This is a sure sign that we have elected a president who was this country’s biggest mistake over the last 100 years. Every time Obama speaks out or promotes something, the markets take another big drop.

I heard an economist make the statement that the next election, the Democrats will lose 40 seats in the House and possibly many more.

Why did people elect our present president? This is a question I heard quite often. He made many promises to the poor just to buy votes. When more than 90 percent of the black population voted for him along with the welfare people, whom he promised all kinds of help, what would you expect?

I hope those of you who helped put him in office will soon see just what you have done. President Bush had a lot of problems with the help of the Democratic House the last two year, but we now have more problems and debts that we will never got out of. President Obama has done more damage in 30 days than Bush did in eight years.

It is time to contact your senators and representatives in Washington, asking for their resignations. The final nails are going into the U.S. coffin, and we will soon be buried.

DALE BIBERSTEIN Bluffton

For the love of all that is good and holy, please, please, PLEASE let this letter be some kind of bad joke. The idea that someone can be this abnormally, irredeemably stupid and still be able to breathe without being re-taught every two seconds is unbelievable.

And it's really galling considering they just published a letter warning against this kind of irreconcilable stupidity.

It's the same old story...

...the same old song and dance, my friends.

First it was Fleischer saying that "Obama should be thankful that he inherited a world without Saddam Hussein" claiming that Saddam Hussein was behind 9-11 (but he DID inherit a world with AL QUAEDA and BIN LADEN and the people who were ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE for 9-11...)and then backpedaling and claiming that that's "not what he meant" when called on his LIE.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Then it was Frank Gaffney, who spouted off a load of stale, steaming bullshit about how Saddam was behind every terrorist attack in the US from the first WTC bombing, to the OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING (gee, I distinctly remember that guy being a FAR-RIGHT RACIST WHACKJOB AMERICAN...) to 9-11, along with crackpot conspiracy theories about how Saddam was prepared to attack the US with chemical weapons via... get this... PERFUME BOTTLES.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

....are you people SERIOUS?

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?









...I think my brain just died a little...

Michael Steele: Gone, Baby, Gone

From the GQ Blog on men.style.com: The Reconstructionist

Do you think homosexuality is a choice?
Oh, no. I don’t think I’ve ever really subscribed to that view, that you can turn it on and off like a water tap. Um, you know, I think that there’s a whole lot that goes into the makeup of an individual that, uh, you just can’t simply say, oh, like, “Tomorrow morning I’m gonna stop being gay.” It’s like saying, “Tomorrow morning I’m gonna stop being black.”
(...)

The choice issue cuts two ways. You can choose life, or you can choose abortion. You know, my mother chose life. So, you know, I think the power of the argument of choice boils down to stating a case for one or the other.

Are you saying you think women have the right to choose abortion?
Yeah. I mean, again, I think that’s an individual choice.
(emphasis added)

Wow. Just wow. Yeah, I'm wagering he'll be gone by this time next week at the latest. After this, they're really going to accelerate the process of throwing him out on his ass.

The truth is, I've formulated a very large, very paranoid theorem as to why this whole thing with Steele happened in the first place: Steele was put in as head of the RNC for an important reason: He's a sacrificial lamb. They knew that he wasn't the far-right demagogue you'd expect to be heading the GOP - why else would there be all this talk of Rushbo as "the de facto head" of the party? - and that his views weren't entirely in line with the major points of the party.

His election sent the racists into screaming fits, swearing that they'd leave the GOP and never return, because the party's main components know there's no follower quite as devout as the one who leaves and comes back. Steele's views, which the right's talking heads can spin as being "liberal", will be cited as the reason that they're putting together a vote of no confidence against him, conveniently whitewashing (if you'll pardon the expression) that the vote is being pushed by someone who became a Republican because the government desegregated his school.

Steele will be ousted, and the right-wing talking heads will claim it's a victory for "conservative values" over "liberalism", with the added coded message that they put a black man "in his place". This is also the main reason why I don't buy into the idea floated by some that the GOP won't oust Steele because it'd make them look like a bunch of racist crackers: their cover story is already written for them, thanks in large part to this interview.

Now, you can buy into all that, or you can just say, "Steele's got diarrhea of the mouth." Hey, either way, the result is the same. The difference is whether you're going to take the logical, succinct approach, or you're going to come up with a sprawling, meandering, half-baked conspiracy hypothesis like I did.

You know things are bad when...

From the Minneapolis Star Tribune: Nearly 700 people apply for 1 janitor job at middle school

MASSILON, Ohio - Evidence of the slumping economy is stacking up at an Ohio school which has nearly 700 applications for one open janitorial job.

Officials at Perry Local Schools near Canton in northeast Ohio say they've extended the deadline until Monday to accommodate the overwhelming response to the week-old posting.

The full-time position at Edison Junior High School pays $15 to $16 an hour plus benefits.

But remember, kids - the economy's going strong and everything's fine! Nothing to worry about here!

Oklahoma declares its sovereignty.

From WorldNutDaily: Oklahoma House passes sovereignty bill

The Oklahoma House of Representatives passed House Joint Resolution 1003 Feb. 18 by a wide margin, 83 to 13, resolving, "That the State of Oklahoma hereby claims sovereignty under the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States over all powers not otherwise enumerated and granted to the federal government by the Constitution of the United States."

Holy crap! But wait, what does this mean? Apparently not much, actually.

They did the same thing last year.

The result? Pretty much nothing. It's basically a feel good measure for the reddest of all red states, to tell the 'gov'mit to b'k off.' Even though they won't follow through with anything about this bill. It sounds scary, it gets some attention, it makes the libertards feel important in big elephant, and is really nothing but conservative mental masturbation.

Alan Keyes: F**king Crazy

From Raw Story: Keyes: Stop Obama or U.S. 'will cease to exist'

Alan Keyes, a three-time presidential candidate, called President Obama a "radical communist" and a "usurper" and said with him in charge, America "is going to cease to exist" at a pro-life fundraiser Thursday.

Remember: This psychopath has run for Prez three times on a fringe ticket, and every time he's gotten nothing but scorn. Plus he lost to President Obama in the Senate race in 2004. And he's so much of a gay-hater that he threw his lesbian daughter out and cut off all support for her.

But how crazy is he? This crazy:

"He is going to destroy this country and we are either going to stop him or the United States of America is going to cease to exist,"

And this on the heels of a cartoon that not-so-subtly advocates violence against "the author of the stimulus bill"? Why is this man not locked up?

Oh, but it gets worse... so much worse.

"The man is an abomination," Keyes said, going on to accuse Obama of being supportive of infanticide. "That is a man with such a seared conscience, I can't even understand why anyone in their right mind would consider him worthy of political support."

Because clumps of cells are so much more important than, say, your own actual, born, grown children, whom you throw out because they're not perfect little straight godbots like you. You'll forgive me if I don't take moral advice from a hateful, paranoid, bigoted, insane bastard like you.

Oh, but it gets even worse than that. No, really.

Keyes also claimed that Obama had no standing to be president. Keyes said Obama was actually born in Kenya and so did not meet the Constitutional presidency requirements of being a natural-born U.S. citizen.

He said Obama was a "usurper occupying the office without constitutional warrant."

"He has refused to provide proof that he is in fact a natural-born citizen," Keyes said. "I'm not even sure he is president of the United States."

When the reporter interviewing him apparently cracked a smile at this, Keyes angrily responded with "that is not a laughing matter. We're going to find ourselves in the midst of chaos, confusion and civil war."

So let me see if I understand you correctly: You treasonously disregard the authority of the President because you honestly believe in a discredited, insane, baseless conspiracy theory, conceived by the fringe racist elements of the far-far-far-right, one that has already been disproven directly. It's so crazy, even far-right whackjobs like Michelle Malkin don't support it. Then, to top it all off, you threaten violence in regards to this, as though people will riot because you wish them to.

Listen closely, you slug: This has been settled. You are a jealous, whiny little punk who's still stinging that the state of Illinois saw right through your far-far-far-far-far-far-right lunacy and chose the right man for the job in 2004. You are a bigot. You are now, by your own admission, a traitor, as you do not recognize the laws of the United States, and are inciting violence against the President.

For your own sake, Alan, shut the fuck up. If you keep talking, you're going to say the thing that gets you thrown into jail for your bullshit.

"Get the Obama signs off your property—now,"

"Failure to obey this order will result in the immediate death of all family members."

Don't believe what you just read?

Believe it. People are getting DEATH THREATS for supporting Obama now.

Two supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama found handwritten death threats in their mailboxes Thursday and reported them to Villa Park police.

A 74-year-old woman and a 46-year-old man with Obama signs in their front yards near the 600 block of South Villa Avenue received similar letters that had a Villa Park Village Hall return address. "Get the Obama signs off your property—now," the letter reads. "Failure to obey this order will result in the immediate death of all family members." Both residents said they will not remove their signs, though the man, who had voted Republican for 25 years before switching parties this year, said his wife is worried about letting their 7-year-old son play alone outside.

Village President Joyce Stupegia said she has not heard about any other letters.

"I'm quite troubled," she said. "It's obviously a person who's a little nutsy getting carried away. But it's unacceptable."

So, McCain.... Are you still "proud" of your supporters? Are you going to come out and condemn this action as the despicable criminal behavior that it is? Are you going to stand up, take the HIGH ROAD for once, and say "This is NOT what the Republican party stands for, and I will not tolerate this sort of behavior from people who claim to support me"?

Of course not. Whatever it takes to either win the election, or burn the country down after losing, right?

Seriously, now. I wonder if the fucknut who wrote those letters would have been even half as bold if those signs had read "Gun Owners For Obama". And it's people LIKE that, that are making me seriously think about getting a big, fierce-looking German shepherd and a .35mm for personal safety - just BECAUSE people like that seem to be becoming more and more common, and more and more unhinged, thanks to McCain/Palin's stirring up of hatred and violence.

This is what the Republican party has sunk to, people - Not ALL, but ENOUGH - violence, vandalism, and death threats. And then they have the nerve to call themselves "freedom-loving", "Pro-America", and "Christian"....

Face. PALM.

The RNC Wastes More Precious Oxygen With Pointless Bitching

This time, they're calling Obama "unprincipled" because... get this...

Because the MLB has agreed to POSTPONE a WORLD SERIES game for EIGHTEEN MINUTES while he gives his thirty-minute speech. OH MY GOD, THE HORROR! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER WOULD DO THAT?!

(CNN) – The Republican National Committee took aim at Barack Obama Wednesday over the Illinois senator's half-hour ad buy that will delay the start of a World Series game by 18 minutes.

"It’s unfortunate that the World Series’ first pitch is being delayed for Obama’s political pitch," RNC spokesman Alex Conant said. "Not only is Obama putting politics before principle, he’s putting it before our national pastime.”

Major League Baseball has agreed to a request from Fox to delay the start time of Game 6 of the World Series (if a Game 6 is necessary) so the network can air the 30-minute Obama spot, a Fox spokesman confirms to CNN. The Illinois senator has also bought similar time on CBS and NBC, set to begin at 8 p.m.

“FOX will accommodate Senator Obama's desire to communicate with voters in this…format," Fox spokesman Scott Gorgin said. "We are pleased that Major League Baseball has agreed to delay the first pitch of World Series Game 6 for a few minutes in order for FOX to carry his program on October 29."

It's the first time a presidential candidate has bought that length of airtime on network television since Ross Perot purchased several 30 minute blocs in 1992.

"This is a big platform, this is a big megaphone, the interest level is clearly there and people will watch," Evan Tracey of Campaign Media Analysis Group, CNN's consultant on campaign advertising said.

The October 29 game will now start at 8:38 instead of 8:20.

Pay careful attention to that emphasized text up there. READ what this guy is saying. Actually READ it - that he's saying that BASEBALL is more important than the Presidential Election.

Even though it's not.
Even though the MLB ITSELF agreed to the short delay.
Even though, here in Grown-Up World, IMPORTANT MATTERS like elections sometimes have to come before fun and games and frolicking through the fields with bunnies and fawns.

Dear Mr. Conant;

I know that you, along with a handful of other rabid, die-hard baseball fanatics, are antsy about the World Series and seeing who goes where as soon as possible.

But your whining about Obama's speech (when you wouldn't be bitching if it were McCain doing this) and all but saying that baseball is more important than the future of this country... It doesn't make you look bigger or more important or even slightly intelligent. It makes you look like a small-minded, petty, petulant, and ignorant sore loser. This is the kind of behavior I would expect from third-grader BULLIES, NOT a supposedly-competent grown man.

It's a GAME.

Delaying it by LESS THAN TWENTY MINUTES is not going to end the world.

Jesus Christ, man. Grow up and get a grip on REALITY. I know it's unpleasant and sometimes ugly right now, but that's no justification for your ignorant remarks.

Seems I've Made a (Stupid, Whiny, Lying) Friend

Seems the whiny, lying, paranoid, trolling, pathetic piece of shit who runs "Blue County in a Red State" (you remember, the spy sappin' mah sentry at LeftyBlogs IN) is throwing a fit over the fact that I called him on his bull.

Jack Thompson Disbarred; World Slightly Less Crazy

From Kotaku: Jack Thompson Disbarred

Is it finally game over for Florida lawyer and violent video game opponent Jack Thompson? Judgment has been entered in the case that started last year and came to a head when Judge Dava Tunis recommended permanent disbarment for the bombastic, showboating law man. The court has approved the report and has ordered that JT is officially disbarred as of 30 days from today.

The Court approves the corrected referee's report and John Bruce Thompson is permanently disbarred, effective thirty days from the date of this order so that respondent can close out his practice and protect the interests of existing clients. If respondent notifies the Court in writing that he is no longer practicing and does not need the thirty days to protect existing clients, this Court will enter an order making the permanent disbarment effective immediately. Respondent shall accept no new business from the date this order is filed.

Note that Thompson still has a chance for a retrial, only due to court sanctions the motion must me submitted by a member of the Florida Bar in good standing, and I don't know that anyone wants to touch this one. It's also worth noting that along with disbarment, Thompson has been ordered to reimburse the Florida Bar fees amounting to $43,675.35. Ouch.

Well, Jack, I guess that's what you get when you harass, threaten, and slander people for a living.

Naturally, Thompson is swearing revenge, in his usual insane, unrealistic, vaguely-threatening way, not realizing that nobody's going to listen to him since he's shown himself to be nuttier than a squirrel's lunch. And, just to rub it in, people are celebrating.

I think it's best summed up by a video I found on YouTube while looking for information on this. As the song says, "Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey hey hey, goodbye!"

This Is What Conservatives Believe, Part 2

Eliminationism in America: Appendix

Dave Neiwert has compiled a list of the hateful, disgusting things that prominent and nameless conservatives alike have said that advocate the assault, imprisonment or murder of people they disagree with.

You think this isn't what they believe? You think that the shooting this week was just some random nut? Given the hate his idols spew, it's only a matter of time before we see it again.

The Daddy State Marches On: Charlotte Police Murder Man with Taser

From Pandagon: NC: More freestyle law enforcement death-by-Taser

I’ve been busy and haven’t briefed folks on the Taser-happy crowd for some time; it looks like the Charlotte-Mecklenburg PD is having a whale of a time with its shock-inducing, deadly device.

A Statesville man died after being shocked multiple times by Tasers at the Iredell County jail over the weekend, sources say.

Anthony Davidson, 29, was unresponsive when he was taken to Iredell Memorial Hospital Saturday afternoon. He was put on life support and died late Sunday night, police said.

His death is the second Taser-related death this year in the Charlotte area. In March, 17-year-old Darryl Wayne Turner, died after Charlotte-Mecklenburg police used a Taser on him at a Food Lion store in Charlotte.

If you read the whole article, it’s clear that Davidson was having difficulties—he was unable to pay for groceries at a local store, rolled the cart out—but drove away without them. He was followed and then

When officers caught up with Davidson a short time later, he was carrying an Applebee’s gift card from the store that hadn’t been paid for, Anderson said.

Officers took Davidson to the Iredell County Jail where he appeared before a magistrate on a larceny charge. Davidson was behaving abnormally from the time officers first encountered him, Anderson said.

While being booked, Davidson became “physically aggressive and was communicating loudly,” Anderson said. That’s when officers used one or more Tasers to get him “back under control,” police said.

He was hit three times and according to a nurse was “under the influence of some type of impairing substance.” Davidson was unresponsive when he was taken to the hospital, where he went into intensive care. He was taken off of life support that evening.

This needs to end.

I can't turn around without yet another death-by-so-called-non-lethal-weapon story popping up, nor can I turn around without yet another blinded authoritarian daddy-state worshipper defending it.

THIS IS WHAT CONSERVATIVES ACTUALLY BELIEVE

Re: Yesterday's church shooting: Affidavit: Man admits church shooting, says liberals should die

A man accused of fatally shooting two adults and wounding seven others at a Knoxville church told police the church's liberal teachings prompted him to attack, according to court papers.
Jim Adkisson said liberals should be killed because they're ruining the nation, according to an affidavit.

Jim David Adkisson told investigators all liberals should be killed and admitted he shot people Sunday morning at Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church, according to a search warrant affidavit obtained by CNN affiliate WBIR.

But remember, according to Instaprick and Cornfed Yankoff, the guy was obviously an anti-Christian liberal who hated God.

This is what happens when you inundate people with hate. This is what happens when you tell them that gay people are sub-human. This is what happens when the inmates run the asylum.

Oh, and the terrorist's choice of reading material?

"Still seized three books from Adkisson's home, including "The O'Reilly Factor," by television commentator Bill O'Reilly; "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder," by radio personality Michael Savage; and "Let Freedom Ring," by political pundit Sean Hannity."

No surprise here. The hate tomes of O'Reilly, Weiner, and Hannity: Mein Kampf for a new generation of murderous, hateful terrorists. Yes, I stand by that statement. Godwin be damned.

Sen. Kevin Bryant: Class Act

From Pandagon:

(NOTE: If you can't tell, the image is also a link.)


Real class act. Really.

ATTN: THOSE OF YOU WITHOUT PENISES

US DHHS Proposes Selling Out to Religious Extremists
And even those WITH them.

You might want to read this.

In a STUNNING move pandering to the Armageddon-worshiping anti-woman Religious Right, THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES IS ENTERTAINING A PROPOSAL TO DEFINE CONTRACEPTION AS ABORTION.

I truly, honestly think that I'm going to be sick.

Just... read it. Oh my god, READ IT NOW. And SPEAK UP!

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
200 Independence Avenue, S.W.
Washington, D.C. 20201
Telephone: 202-619-0257
Toll Free: 1-877-696-6775

HHS Secretary Mike Leavitt
Office Phone: 202-690-7000 or 202-205-4708
Email: mike.leavitt@hhs.gov
Fax: 202-690-7203
Correspondence Secretary: 202-690-6392

I have no words. Just no words for this. But even if it takes hitting up the military surplus stores in the area, I am not going to sit idly by and watch these INSANE OLD RICH MEN try to reduce ME to a walking incubator!

More Proof That Rightards Have No Shame

From Pandagon:No shame: Republican’s FL billboard features burning Twin Towers

Businessman Mike Meehan, who paid for the ad, says he’s “only trying to help Republicans.” The billboard also carries a link for Meehan’s website, TheRepublicanSong.com, at which he says, “I claim to be a man of God” and promotes his political song and video.

Meehan’s song, which appears to have racist overtones, begins, “The Democrat secular progressive move, political correctness is killing us too. They want to take the money from the hard working man, and give it to the lazy folks that don’t give a damn.”

Even Republicans have found the billboard “inappropriate,” and many residents want it to come down. “I’m thinking about the Twin Towers, all the families that were killed there,” one woman told local TV affliate WFTV.

Wanna send the little shitbag a letter? Go ahead. I did. Don't bother being civil; the little turd has already crossed that line twice.

Oh, and a question for the conservatives who want to exploit 9/11 like this troglodyte: Who was in office on 9/11? Who ignored the warnings? Who ignored the briefing entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S."? Here's a hint: It wasn't Clinton, or his penis.

No shame. None at all.