State of the Disunion

Tonight is the yearly State of the Union address. Naturally, I'm not going to watch, as I'd rather hammer a nail through my schwang. I can give a pretty good guess at what it's going to consist of, though:

• "The economy sucks 'cuz of liberals, taxes, homos, and immigrants."
• "Iraq's goin' great, so we need to send more Americans there to die die for oil company profits die 'cuz I need to keep people in fear serve our country's oil companies interests."
• "The brown terrists could kill every one of us at any time, unless you sign away any and all remaining rights to us."
• "I want some tacos I'm planning on paying you all off giving y'all a tax rebate 'cuz the economy's in the tank circling the shithole about three minutes from a depression at any given moment slightly weakened by predatory lending practices and impending government bailouts, just like daddy did the inability of some lazy-ass brown citizens to pay off their loans."

There. You're all set.