Please, PLEASE, Tell Me This Is All a Joke

D'oh Nuts: The Religious Right Comes Down On Krispy Kreme
The American Life League has finally discovered the secret, immoral ingredient that makes Krispy Kreme doughnuts so very addictive: fetuses. And they are not happy.

Having been tipped off to Krispy Kreme's dastardly scheme to make their doughnuts even more addictive than abortion on demand by their insidious use of the word "choice" in a recent free promotion, American Life League president "Not Downtown" Judie Brown had this to say:
The next time you stare down a conveyor belt of slow-moving, hot, sugary glazed donuts at your local Krispy Kreme, you just might be supporting President-elect Barack Obama's radical support for abortion on demand - including his sweeping promise to sign the Freedom of Choice Act as soon as he steps in the Oval Office, Jan. 20.
It's all part of their plan! More abortions means more Krispy Kremes, and more of this nation's souls will be eaten away along with their arteries!

In fact, Krispy Kreme is offering Americans "a free doughnut of choice" on Tuesday, signifying, obviously, that their doughnuts are made possible only through choice, which obviously only means abortion, which Barack Obama is going to make every man, woman and child in this country have when he takes the mantle of the Presidency in order to promote Krispy Kreme hegemony over Dunkin Donuts.

Someone, please, tell me this is all a big joke. Tell me they're trolling us. If this is the level to which America has sunk, we are in deep shit. Seriously, we can't even use the word "choice" without these dim bulbs getting up in arms? That's just plain sad.

Our language has been eroded by this kind of over-association of words with causes. It's getting so you can't even use perfectly good words because people assume the worst. For example, the word "abortion" is used in wrestling to describe a gimmick or angle that suddenly disappears because the fans aren't going for it - or, rather, it used to be, before people like these turned it into a dirty word. I'm just wondering when they'll go after Fatboy Slim (and, by extension, Christopher Walken) for "Weapon of Choice".

I know three things in regards to this. First, these people are as dumb as a box of rocks. Second, I like donuts, pretty much regardless of their origin - I don't think I've ever had what one could honestly describe as a bad donut. Third, I'll be going to the nearest Krispy Kreme come Tuesday.

And if this all turns out to be some massive trolling effort on their part? I won't care - I'll still have my donuts.